I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
