i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
