You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish I only lived at night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
