the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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