my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
time to smoke my breakfast
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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