So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
