Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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