dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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