We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
