grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
