this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
