Someone shit on the floor
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
