That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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