She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
