My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
