My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
