After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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