So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
