Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
