Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
