Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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