he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
