would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
