we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
