As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
