I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
