A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
