My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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