I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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