I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
