Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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