..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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