You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
