Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
