he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
