Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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