you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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