my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
