also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Mom said you looked used
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
