well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
