I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
