I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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