yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
