i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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