my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
