New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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