As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
