So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
