Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
