His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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