She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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