the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
