So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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